The Unofficial Smilie Dictionary

Just tilt your head to the left

 :-)   Your basic smilie. This smilie is used to inflect a sarcastic or
       joking statement since we can't hear voice inflection over Unix.
 ;-)   Winky smilie. User just made a flirtatious and/or sarcastic remark.
       More of a "don't hit me for what I just said" smilie.
 :-(   Frowning smilie. User did not like that last statement or is upset
       or depressed about something.
 :-I   Indifferent smilie. Better than a Frowning smilie but not quite as
       good as a happy smilie
 :->   User just made a really biting sarcastic remark. Worse than a :-).
 >:->  User just made a really devilish remark.
 >;->  Winky and devil combined. A very lewd remark was just made.

Those are the basic ones...Here are some somewhat less common ones:

 (-:   User is left handed
 %-)   User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight
 :*)   User is drunk
 [:]   User is a robot
 8-)   User is wearing sunglasses
 B:-)  Sunglasses on head
 ::-)  User wears normal glasses
 B-)   User wears horn-rimmed glasses
 8:-)  User is a little girl
 :-)-8 User is a Big girl
 :-{)  User has a mustache
 :-{}  User wears lipstick
 {:-)  User wears a toupee
 }:-(  Toupee in an updraft
 :-[   User is a Vampire
 :-E   Bucktoothed vampire
 :-F   Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing
 :-7   User juust made a wry statement
 :-*   User just ate something sour
 :-)*  User drools
 :-*)  User has a cold
 :'-(  User is crying
 :'-)  User is so happy, s/he is crying
 :-@   Uer is screaming
 :-#   User wears braces
 :^)   User has a broken nose
 :v)   User has a broken nose, but it's the other way
 :_)   User's nose is sliding off of his face
 :-&   User is tongue tied.
 =:-)  User is a hosehead
 -:-)  User is a punk rocker
 -:-(  (real punk rockers don't smile)
 :=)   User has two noses
 +-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office
 `:-)  User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning
 ,:-)  Same thing...other side
 |-I   User is asleep
 |-O   User is yawning/snoring
 :-Q   User is a smoker
 :-?   User smokes a pipe
 O-)   Megaton Man On Patrol!  (or else, user is a scuba diver)
 O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least)
 :-P   Nyahhhh!
 :-S   User just made an incoherent statement
 :-D   User is laughing (at you!)
 :-X   User's lips are sealed
 :-C   User is really bummed
 <|-)  User is Chinese
 <|-(  User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes
 :-/   User is skeptical
 C=:-) User is a chef
 @=    User is pro-nuclear war
 *<:-) User is wearing a Santa Claus Hat
 :-o   Uh oh!
 (8-o  It's Mr. Bill!
 *:o)  And Bozo the Clown!
 3:]   Pet smilie
 3:[   Mean Pet smilie
 d8=   Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat.
 E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator
 :-9   User is licking his/her lips
 %-6   User is braindead
 [:-)  User is wearing a walkman
 (:I   User is an egghead
 <:-I  User is a dunce
 K:P   User is a little kid with a propeller beenie
 @:-)  User is wearing a turban
 :-0   No Yelling!  (Quiet Lab)
 :-:   Mutant Smilie
       The invisible smilie
 .-)   User only has one eye
 ,-)   Ditto...but he's winking
 X-(   User just died
 8 :-) User is a wizard
 C=}>;*{))  Mega-Smilie... A drunk, devilish chef with a toupee in an updraft,
                           a mustache, and a double chin

Note: A lot of these can be typed without noses to make midget smilies.

 :)  Midget smilie
 :]  Gleep...a friendly midget smilie who will gladly be your friend

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.