Guide to Computer Viruses

HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS

Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later in another directory

O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS

You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but you just can't prove it.

BILL CLINTON VIRUS

Suddenly appears from nowhere, promises to upgrade all your applications, gains control of your computer, then totally corrupts your entire system for four years

PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS

Your system works fine, but it complains loudly about foreign software

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS

Never identifies itself as a "virus" but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism"

ROSS PEROT VIRUS

Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits

COLIN POWELL VIRUS

Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.

AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS

You're in L.A. but your data winds up in Dallas

HEALTH CARE VIRUS

Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500

PAUL REVERE VIRUS

This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS

Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but ewe can't figyour outt watt!

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS

Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer

GALLUP VIRUS

Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent of their data, 14% of the time (plus or minus a 3.5% margin of error)

TEXAS VIRUS

Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS

Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS

The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.

PBS VIRUS

Your programs stop every few minutes and ask for money

NIKE VIRUS

Just does it

STAR TREK VIRUS

Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.