The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles

(These are *real*)

• Do You Love As Good As You Look?
• Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
• Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
• Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
• Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
• How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
• Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
• I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
• I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
• I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
• I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
• I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
• I Wanna Whip Your Cow
• I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
• I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
• I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
• I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
• I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
• I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
• If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
• If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
• If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
• If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
• If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
• If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
• Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
• May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
• My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
• My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
• My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
• My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
• Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
• Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
• She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft; She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
• She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
• She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
• Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
• They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
• Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
• When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
• You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
• You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
• You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
• You Were Only A Splinter In My Ass As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
• You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.